Living deep within all of us is an inner critic, whose mission is to remind us of the embarrassment of every past mistake, the hurt of every criticism and the disappointment of every failure. Living with this deafening replay of constant negative chatter robs us of our peace of mind, sometimes to the extent of even paralysing us into helpless inaction.
Ambushed by this wave of mental negativity, we either try to “appease” our inner critics by trying to prove them wrong by aiming for unreachable perfection, fuelling further feelings of shame and self-blame, or simply surrendering even before the battle starts, imprisoning ourselves in a self-fulfilling prophecy of inertia and inaction, our self-defense against inevitable disappointment. Too busy to notice the many daily small wins in our lives.
Our inner critic is not a true reflection of our authentic selves, and our thoughts not reality. They are movies in our mind directed by your inner critic who has cast you as a victim in a tragic soap opera, re-runs of which you keep on watching. By being aware of this, gives us the power to take back control of our lives and to change not only the script of the movie, but also the ending.
This starts with re-writing the script of that movie. It’s about choosing positive self-talk over negative self-criticism in our mental dialogue, because the quality of the words that we use on ourselves, determines the positivity of our thoughts.
Stand Up To The Critic. Notice its presence, call it out and stand up to it. Thank it for trying to “protect” you and tell it that you have chosen to be kind and loving to yourself. Train yourself to react with a “subtle” response to break that energy/moment, every time you start being negative, be it clicking your fingers, humming a tune, stretching your shoulders to release the tension. Acknowledge and reject the voice.
Change The Channel – Remember you own the rights to the remote control and the choice of the channel that you want to watch at any given time So you don’t have to be stuck in that depressing chat show or the rerun of that tragic drama in your head. Switch off your inner critic by shifting your attention away to do something else that is more uplifting and worthy of your mind space. Let that thought go and allow yourself to be distracted by other thoughts, remembering a positive event, make a shopping list, or plan a party menu.
Celebrate Your Successes – Make up a gratitude list of all the things that you are proud of and happy about. From success and achievements of the past, to actions of love and kindness that others have shown to you. Relive those positive experiences, so that when that negative self-doubting inner voice comes calling, you are ready to silence it with your success report card.
Change Your Perspective – At the end of the day, it is all about perspective. Your perspective. So whether you choose to look at an outcome as a failure or a lesson leant, a venture into the unknown as fearful or exciting, losing a job or relationship as the end of the line or the beginning of a new journey. Sure, you might not be able to change the circumstances, but you can decide whether to allow it to make or break you. That is the power of choice, and that choice is yours.
How you respond to the world you live in is influenced by how you talk to yourself, so choose those words carefully.
“If you hear a voice within you say you cannot paint, then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced.”―Vincent Willem van Gogh