Until I became a coach, I associated the word ‘coach’ with sports and not well-being. I grew up with the belief that I was responsible for my own life and that the struggles I was going through were things that I had to cope with, alone.
I never spoke to my family members, because I thought that they would never understand. My friends, well sometimes a worry would slip out in our chats, but I didn’t want to dampen a social occasion. My peers at work, never ! That would have been professional suicide.
So life sometimes was a lonely uphill climb or in times downhill plunge. I kept my fear of inadequacies, frustrations and insecurities to myself. Trusting that I could think things through, the problem was, the more I thought, the more conscious I became of my failings and insecurities. Speaking to self was open season for my inner critic, who scrutinised my every move, challenged and questioned my every decision. My inner “friend” also had a good memory. Reminding me of the pain of every past failure, the embarrassment of every wrong decision, and the frustration of every rejection, professionally and personally.
So taking on any new challenge or transition, meant endless debates of shoulds, coulds, and what ifs. Often I won the internal shouting match, but there were the times I surrendered to my negative ruminations and retreated into the safety of inaction and frustration.
On hindsight, what I really needed was to hear another voice. To be able to share my insecurities in a safe space where I wouldn’t be vulnerable, to be heard and not judged. I needed someone to shine a light that could help me see another perspective, gain clarity to who I was, where I was in my life, and help to negotiate a path less bumpy.
So, with the many stripes that I have earned in my hard battle for recognition, are also numerous scars that I collected along the journey. I could say that I was proud of the lessons I learnt, but in reality I could have done with less turbulence in my life and better navigation skills.
So here I am now with the power of hindsight, armed with a compass and an assortment of lights. A torch to make your path ahead clearer, a spotlight to illuminate successes that you have not given yourself credit for, and fireworks to celebrate each step of your journey of discovery.
Sometimes all it takes is a conversation to change your perspective.